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As far as I can remember, for the first time ever, just now, I lamented the fact that I do not own decaffeinated tea.

I walked into the kitchen to get something to drink and felt a chill. I thought of how nice it would be to have a warm beverage on hand to defrost my entrails. Unfortunately, all I own in the warm beverage department is coffee and tea, both of the caffeinated varieties. Until just now, I hadn’t seen the point of owning decaffeinated tea (or coffee, for that matter). Seemed a little like buying alcohol-free whiskey or something. I’m not drinking it for the taste, people. I’m drinking it for the effect. Actually, I guess I don’t drink whiskey at all, but I stand behind my analogy. If you prefer, we could go with something like low-fiber Metamucil.

I lamented my lack of decaffeinated tea. I contemplated the usefulness of tea-free reallyHotWater in warming my belly. I considered looking up a recipe for warm milk on the Internet before remembering that I don’t own any milk (or at least milk stamped with a date occurring in this month) anyways, and that was probably one of the primary ingredients. I wondered what wine would taste like at twice room temperature and whether simply drinking twice as much wine at room temperature would have the same effect.

And then I remembered that Dana had gotten me, among other things, a tin of Hot Chocolate (or Cocoa, or something otherwise brown and yummy and distantly related to crack) for Christmas, and that I hadn’t even opened it yet.

Unfortunately, by that time, I’d wandered back into the office and the kitchen was a really long ways away. Ah well. Crisis inadvertently averted.

Oh, Celebrity Jeopardy. How did people fathom the depths of human existence without you?

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Please note that my graduation date is May 5th, 2006, not May 6th as I’d early supposed. This gives you one fewer shopping days until I become a real boy.